But I can’t be anything-ist! I have a friend who is anything!

Oh boy. So many layers of wrong to go through… We’ve got to start somewhere, so here goes: is that even true?

I mean I can say I have 3 gay friends, 5 black friends, 7 Asian friends, 11 Jewish friends aaaaaand you would have trouble proving me wrong.

No, I swear I have that one friend. Not making this up.

Stand in awe of the diversity. Right there. Right in the center.

Okay. But do you really know them? Do you really like them?

See, not everybody has the same standard for what counts as “friendship”. And no, that person you befriended on Facebook to unlock the next level of a Free 2 Play game does not count. Sorry.

I really like my friend and I really know them. I would not use them as a proof that I’m not anything-ist otherwise!

Sure, Scooby-Doo is a dog. But it’s the eponym character. That has to count for something, right? No.

Okay. Good for you… But you missed the point of anything-ism. It is about being biased against a group of people based on something they are and did not choose. Which is unfair.

It is not about feeling such irrational and systematic hatred for each member of that group that you can’t like any individual from it. That would be waaay extreme anything-ism. Sooo, congratulations on being anything-ist, but not extremely anything-ist, I suppose? You know, small victories.

Are you kidding me? How could I be against the rights of anythings if I have an anything friend? Of course I care for them, since I have that one friend.

Also, you are unaware of the actual definition of feminism AND the fact that your being against it means you should probably have asked a man to hold that sign for you.

Actually, you could have dozens of anything friends and still not care about their cause and rights. Look at sexism. The overwhelming majority of misogynists are surrounded by women: their mother, their sisters, their daughters, their girlfriend, their exes, their wife, their co-workers, and so on. Does it make them automatically wish for equality? If it did, sexism would have never existed in the first place.

But that does not count because it is not a minority. Knowing a member of a minority makes me special and especially attuned to their issues.

Governor Bryant has a gay son. And is against gay rights. What is his secret defense against contamination?

Sigh. No. Just no. You can even BE a member of a minority and still not care about their issues or even be against their cause.

Not everyone is an activist, for a start. And the larger the oppressed group, the easier it will be to find people even among members of that group who are biased or maybe even wage politics against it.

But then, how can I ever prove I’m not anything-ist if even anythings can be?

Ha. That is the crux of the matter. You cannot. And it does not really matter anyway. If you find yourself in a position where you feel that you have to prove you are not anything-ist, it probably means you did or said something anything-ist to apologize for (unless it is a smear campaign, in which case you should vehemently deny, period).

What you can do if you are genuinely concerned about something other than the negative impact of being thought anything-ist by people and treated as such (which is only fair if you are anything-ist, imho), is to ponder just how privileged you are to not be an anything.

Can’t see why? Keep looking. Look it up. Find voices from that group. Some of what you will read will offend you, maybe, but look past that and you will find a better understanding of why anything-ism is a problem. Why you should stand against it.

And that is the best you can do.

Save for becoming an activist.

Next best thing after that is self-awareness.

Good luck.

Thank you for reading this imaginary conversation (argument?) with an imaginary but realistic racist/homophobe/etc who uses the excuse that they have that one friend who is like that so you can’t call them or their behavior racist/homophobic/etc.

Hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to send it to any jerk you see use that sorry bull**** of an excuse. (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Credits for the images (from top to bottom):

• Angel-Facepalm, by flickr user shane_d_k
• 90210 cast members, lifted from 90210 wikia
• The mystery gang, found on imgur
• Women Against Feminism, lifted from the Cascade article “Not all are #womenagainstfeminism”
• Mississippi Gov. Phil Bryant, lifted from the Deep South Daily article “MS Governor Bryant is still fighting against his gay son’s rights”
• First world problem image generated via the Meme Generator website
• Barricade at the Paris Commune in 1871, lifted from the Wikipedia article on Activisim